Born in 1982 in the south of Germany, I grew up with my mother but without my father. I was surrounded by a culture which I could not identify with, so even in my early childhood the question arose for me: Who am I?
On this journey I got to know my first love and I dedicated myself completely to her. She has several names, but you might know her as Hip Hop, RnB or simply music. Our connection was so deep and it quickly became clear to me, I had to express myself through music so I became a rapper. I turned my hobby into my fulltime-job and through rap I was able to express my feelings. I enjoyed the life as a rapper to the fullest, but one day she knocked on my door again, the question:
Who am I?
So I let go of what I identified myself with and started all over again. I had the gift of being able to create a new version of me. But I had to find myself first in order to become my new self. The years passed, I was living in Berlin and had numbed myself on all possible levels - with material consumption, drugs, alcohol, sex and unhealthy relationships. And again the question appeared that I had already asked myself in my childhood.
Who am I?
All that I experienced no longer filled me up, all that I consumed no longer made me happy, it was a farce. And there I stood with my new companions, my anxiety and panic attacks.
That was it, the moment that really cracked and it felt like rock bottom.
Everything that I held back and ignored over the past years came over me and became louder and louder. Fears and panic and panic and fears. My body cried out loud and the signals became clearer and clearer: I can’t keep on living the way I have been living. It hadn't made sense for a long time it just didn’t add up anymore. Everything felt heavy and life felt meaningless. I had lost my love for life and wondered how this could happen to me.
It's one of those moments in life when your breath stops and you just forget to breathe. That was the moment when I realized that all the things I identified with were irrelevant. And right in that moment I realized everything I wished for was already there.
Then I remembered the life energy of my youth and the strength that came from it.
Maybe it was really time to change my perspective, to take care of myself. Whatever this meant and it led me to the following question:
Who do I want to be?
I remembered a book called "Anleitung zur Göttlichkeit" (Udo Brückmann), and fortunately I still had it lying around and I started to read it again. Suddenly I understood (because the first time I read it I was 16 y/o but I didn't really understand it) and could now read between the lines. Apparently I had to go through all these experiences to find out who I am. And then it really happened, slowly but surely. I accepted what was, accepted what is and started to love me for who I am. I got to know myself better and better and this relationship started to grow.
On my journey to myself I am guided by teachers from different cultures. The more conscious I became of myself, the more conscious my way of living became. What I do and how I do, with what intention, with consciousness. It changed layer by layer and I peel off shell by shell.
And now, now I am here and the question that stuck with me all my life, I could finally answer.
After I was able to answer this question for myself, I feel committed to guide people who have the same question or similar ones. I call this consciousness work and I see myself as a Healing Artist who guides people in their processes.
To close the circle, I now ask you:
Who are you?
i see you - mitu